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A Good Bad Day

Upon reflection of the short life of my blog, I realize that most of the posts are quite negative, and I want to apologize for any of you who are kind enough to read my words. When trapped in pain every minute of the day I find I have to physically force myself to step out of the depression and fear, but usually not before a new post has been written. My goals for Gypsy Rue are not that it be the equivalent of my online personal diary, but rather I share both the good and the bad- my life, as it is, without sugarcoating or photoshop!

With that being said…today was one of the worst pain days I have had in the 3 years of having this disorder. I tried unsuccessfully to get work done, realistically decide if I could run errands that really needed to be run (no- a storm combined with pain means I am not willing to drive all over town.) So, my broccoli pesto, spinach pesto, crab apple pectic or jam and cherry preserves must await another day. My dear husband finally forced me to lay down in the cool, quiet bedroom, which turned into a much needed 4 hour nap. I am still exhausted and do not have the energy simply to run the food processor to make pesto, but slow steps and a lot of breaks to sit, rub essential oil around my ear and remember to breathe usually make it possible for dinner to get on the table, though at my snail’s pace, the simplest meals often take five times as long as they once did when I would spend all day in the kitchen, baking, sauteing, slow cooking, fermenting. The snail’s pace frustrates me so- I am used to being the woman, who as a supervisor at the used bookstore I used to love and work for, would spend extra hours at work completing tasks that a handful of the super-lazy employees could never be “coached” (one-on-one meetings, heavy with enthusiasm and “I” statements- remember these from school?! When you do —, I feel —.)

For those of you who have made the leap to read my story of struggles, I’d like to give you a glimpse of what you can expect here soon. I am a complete giveaway geek, so I hope to share some giveaways soon. I love to cook from scratch and my family and I are transitioning to a vegetarian diet, with the exception of eating a few of the too many roosters we’ve ended up with as the result of a straight run order from a hatchery months ago. We will be having a huge sale on our chicks, as this is not a time we can feed extra mouths, though my eldest daughter and I have already planned that no matter how bad things get financially we will hold on to our beloved rooster and a few of the hens we’ve had since we started building our homestead 3 years ago- right when my horrible disorder began. It’s easy for us to decide this though, and harder for my husband as he is also struggling with immense pain due to bone spurs at the top of his spine and daily, blinding migraines. His skin is allergic to the sun, and he is not a big fan of living here in the middle of the desert, though as he says, he always returns here. I’m glad he has- otherwise we never would have met.

In the upcoming months I look forward to sharing my favorite recipes, along with recipes I’ve come up with on the fly (“There’s no zucchini? I swear we had zucchini!) I can’t grow anything, but that doesn’t stop me from continuing to learn and try. I love natural healing remedies- specifically aromatherapy, and when I have the energy one of my favorite things to do is make homemade items such as lotions, sunblock, toothpaste, deodorant, diaper rash cream, lip balm, makeup and everything sanitizer spray, to name a few! I will be sharing these recipes and procedures soon! I want to spend time writing about the various ways we have found to make a living when ill, hurting and unable to work normal 9-5 jobs. I am the unofficial queen of odd jobs- finding them, doing them, leaving behind the scams and jobs that lead nowhere, finding the true, well paying jobs, be it freelance work, editing, or mystery shopping- often from home- which was the start of my odd jobs hunt nearly 8 years ago. It’s hard to make enough money nowadays, and while none of my suggestions will make you rich, they come in handy to bring in extra cash for birthday presents, unexpected bills, or as the start to a much needed savings account. ( I am saving for two Nigerian Dwarf mini goats, after my next brain surgery. My youngest child is allergic to all but goat milk. There is only one major corporation that controls the market for goat milk sold at grocery stores, which leads me to believe they are likely running their business the same way dairy cow factory farms do. This is not something I want to support, or feed my child. I don’t know how she drinks it, and loves it- the stuff smells like bucks- male goats. I guess it goes to show you that to her soy and almond milk must be horrid, if this awful-scented milk is what she prefers, though I know it is not just preference, but all her tummy can handle.)

So, these are my goals, and the things you will see here. Yes, there will still be updates on my medical struggles, pain, and my husband’s awful spinal pain and migraines, along with updates on the fundraiser we are running to get me to the only professionals in the United States that have devoted their careers to study and fix my disorder. I’ve realized though, that just because this is what my life revolves around, my disorder is not me, and by not sharing the good parts with you, this blog will get monotonous, boring and pointless to read- no one wants a blow by blow update of my appointments with incompetent doctors!

In the spirit of good things to come, I’d like to share something that has made me incredibly happy these past couple days. The author Donna Jackson Nakazawa who wrote ‘The Last Best Cure: My Quest To Awaken The Healing Parts of My Brain, and Get Back My Body, My Joy and My Life’ read my post about her amazing book and wrote to me on Twitter ( I can’t tell you how excited that made me! I have been a ravenous reader since the age of 6, and I can count 3 authors that have ever responded to me, despite many, many letters I have written to writers that have inspired me the most.)  She is so very kind, and although I wrote perhaps the longest Amazon review of her book ever (approximately 2100 words!) she thanked me and shared her wish full my recovery in the future. I feel like I’ve met a celebrity, which in a way she is, as she is an acclaimed science writer! She is just as lovely, kind, generous and smart as I knew she would be, and I’m still giddy that this amazing woman and author took the time to read my brand new little blog, and leave such kind messages for me on Twitter. There is nothing better in the world for a life-long bookworm to hear positive words from a writer they admire!

If you missed my precious post, and if you, a loved one or friend is suffering with a chronic disorder, disease or illness I highly advise you to read her book. She has also written a book titled ‘The Autoimmune Epidemic, which I’m looking forward to reading next, and would be a fantastic read and source of helpful information for anyone  suffering from an autoimmune disorder.

Thanks for being with me on my often painful and scary journey towards healing and joy. I promise there will be more good things to come. Be well friends.womanreader


One comment on “A Good Bad Day

  1. Tracy, I will always be here to support you. Love, Mom

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