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Too Many Stories of Domestic Abuse- Mine, Christy Mack’s and So Many Unreported Others

Heads up friends: This article discusses topics of domestic abuse and shows graphic images of adult film star Christy Mack while hospitalized after being severely beaten earlier this month on August 8 by her ex-boyfriend, a cage fighter who legally changed his name to War Machine. I’m happy to report that he was recently caught by U.S. Marshals, (though apparently Dog, The Bounty Hunter of reality TV fame was looking for him as well.) and is in custody, no longer hiding out in an extended stay hotel, sending Tweets out into the world that Christy Mack was his property, he was going to ask her to marry him, but caught her sleeping with someone else (though they had broken up several months ago.)

A note before I begin- this is a highly emotionally topic for me to write about. Some people close to me know this story, as well as know the basic story surrounding my abduction, robbery and repeated rape several years ago. I want to apologize ahead of time if this is not my best writing, but I feel the need to get it out, with the hope that some other woman will read it and will avoid some of the mistakes and hellish consequences I lived through. According to statistics listed on The Domestic Violence Hotline website 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. It is my hope that someone who is in an abusive relationship will find this post and will find in it the knowledge, resources, hope and strength needed to break free of being a victim by a supposed loved one. If you know of anyone who is currently in an abusive relationship, and they are too scared (rightfully so) to try to get away, please read through this, call the hotline and see how you can help.

It breaks my heart that this Christy Mack, this beautiful tattooed and mohawked woman was beaten so badly by “War Machine” often, and that this final time he intended to kill her. The only way she was able to escape this horrific abuse, and his intention to kill her this time, is that the knife he had already stabbed her with several times had dulled, and he left the room to go into the kitchen to find a sharper knife to use to kill her. I can only imagine the terror but also the strength it took her to run, naked and bleeding to a neighbor’s house, where she pounded on their door and begged for help when they opened their door. The neighbor took Mack to the hospital, where she still remains. Her body was broken in so many places it will take a long time for her physical wounds to heal. The emotional wounds will be harder, if not impossible to heal. I know this because of my own experiences with emotional and physical abuse and also sexual assault.

For all women who are in abusive relationships, either physical or emotional, or have a partner who rapes you, as Mack said her ex was going to do- please read this and ask for help, now, before it is too late. There are numerous organizations available for women who are victims of any sort of abuse ( and men too- I realize men can be victims of abuse and sexual assault as well). The National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org/ suggests not contacting them via their website or using your computer to find other websites or individuals for help online or through emails as these can be tracked. Instead use someone else’s phone if possible, or buy a $20 pre-paid cell phone at any grocery store or convenience store and use this to contact organizations and friends for help. You can also go to any public library, get a free library card with a picture ID and proof of your home address (such as a utility bill) and then you can use any library computer for free. I recently read that even the tiniest, poorest towns in the U.S. usually have at least one computer available for public use. (The number for The National Domestic Violence Hotline is listed at the end of this post.) Try not to make such calls on your regular phone or look up help for victims of abuse on your home computer or smartphone as these are too easy to track. Abusers are often paranoid, very possessive and whether you are aware of it or not are likely already reading your emails and text messages if they are given the chance or the passwords.

There are shelters in nearly every city that offer a temporary home to women after they survive unspeakable horrors- places with gates and guards where you can go to sleep without worrying your abuser will come to find you. These hidden gems offer therapy, clothing and meals along with medical, physical and emotional therapy and care. You will be guided through filing restraining orders or filing police reports. while being in a safe place where the anger and abuse can no longer reach you. You will receive counseling, help getting sober if needed and eventually when you are ready, they will help you furnish your new home, complete with food to put in your pantry, along with anything else you need.

Some people don’t  know this, but here are even shelters for your pets. My first abuser was fairly typical- he wanted to hurt me and kill anything I loved. At the time the only thing I loved was my gigantic Rottweiler, named Psycho. Coincidentally my dog was named this before my real-life experience with the abusive psycho, but I loved him more than anything else, and when the man that abused me learned this- that my love was not 100% dedicated and focused on him every moment of the day, the threats to kill me and my dog began. The physical abuse began when I voiced an opinion of my own. To this day I am so thankful to the animal shelter in my hometown that runs a sanctuary for animals that are in danger of being hurt as a result of being the loved pet of someone who is being abused. They hide your pets away not only from the abuser, but also from you, because statistically speaking it is hard to walk away from the person who has both convinced you no one else will ever love you, that you are worthless, and are just a piece of ass, but they love you, so long as you don’t do the stupid things you do to piss them off. (Note: the pet sanctuaries release your pets to you when you can vouch for filing for a restraining order, filing a police report, moving away, in my case changing my job since my abuser knew where and when I worked. The sanctuary also let me call to get weekly updates on how my best dog friend was doing, eating, if he was playing with other dogs, etc. I will never forgot those amazing people who cared for my dog until I could take care of myself and him again.)

Back to the lies I imagine you are being told if you are in an abusive relationship. No one else will ever love  you, but they do. Their anger and abuse is your fault, you are asking for it, you are simply getting what you deserve. The variations of this phrase may differ, but it becomes incredibly hard to pick up any hope, self-worth or self-esteem off the ground (as your abuser likes it) to turn around and run as fast as you can away. If you do not, if you believe the lies you have been repeatedly told that you are ugly, stupid and worthless, most likely the abuse will continue and escalate, and as this happens, the chance that the next round of abuse will end in your death becomes more and more likely. Your abuser may apologize, you may have fantastic make up sex and believe that he really didn’t mean it, because he loves you, right? He doesn’t. In my case my abuser loved what I could do for him. I gave him free reign of my little duplex while I went to work each day. I knew what he was doing while I was gone, but at that point it was what I was doing when I got home too, so I felt I had no room to judge him. He was a physically intimidating looking man- an recent ex-convict with prison tattoos, a shaved head and a body shaped from the use of a lot of steroids. I was painfully naive when I met him- I had not done drugs, I worked hard, and I still believed in the antiquated notion that I had been raised with that most people were nice. If I was nice to them, as I was even when people didn’t deserve it, certainly they would be nice back to me, right? Plus, I felt that I owed him something. He had helped me move out of the home I shared with my first husband when we separated. My first husband was a deadbeat and he was emotionally abusive. Having a new scary-as-hell looking boyfriend made me feel safe, desired and sexy. I could see for myself how much physically stronger he was than I was, but I never stopped to to think of that, as well as his very recent release from prison as a bad thing. I was a very, very sheltered and naive woman, and this was what the men who hurt me preyed upon.

I ran away from my abuser, the moment he left one day, changing the locks on the house I lived in, where he stayed all day doing no good as I went off to work, loading Psycho and anything important into my car. The day before he had grabbed me by the neck and slammed me into the closet door, holding me there in a position to strangle me, saying he couldn’t care less what my opinions were- I would do as he said. He was right. I was too scared not too. Later my stepfather- one of the kindest people in the world, arrived with my mother like a knight in shining armor, driving a huge moving truck- much larger than was needed to hold the few things that I had at home. Despite the fact that he passed away from cancer many years ago, and I was not present for the pain and sadness of his time in hospice before he died, as I was in a second, much more horrific sexual assault and drug addiction hell, I will always remember my stepdad on that day that he immediately showed up to save me simply because I had gone to the house he and my mother lived at and cried for help. My stepdad did not judge me, tell me everyone but me had seen it coming, or question the wisdom of letting an ex-con have a key to my house. He simply showed up with my mother, gave me a hug, loaded the moving truck, and took me to stay at their home. I didn’t know it at the time, but while I was trapped in the abusive hell and the start of drug addiction, my stepdad had already been diagnosed with the cancer that took his life. I beat myself up emotionally for many of the mistakes I’ve made in my life, but the one that kicks my ass the hardest is that I was caught in such a cycle of addiction and abuse- both from myself and then the “friend of the family” that babysat my daughter, who later kidnapped me, robbed me at a point when I actually had money in the bank, threatened my life and that of my family, stole my car and had he and his friend rape me repeatedly for days, then call my husband to say I was partying with them and that he planned on killing me, my husband and child. Because of this I wasn’t around to give my stepdad, John, even a portion of the care he gave to me when he and my mom saved me from the abusive boyfriend. I will regret this for the rest of my life. I miss him so much. He, like my husband, father and grandfather are my examples of good men that serve as reminders that not every man is an abusive woman-hater, and in fact there are more good, loving men in the world than there are men like the ones that hurt me very badly or ones like “War Machine” who nearly killed Christy Mack.

If you are currently suffering from any type of abuse, please know you are not alone. It is not your fault this is happening, and it is not what you deserve. I made some incredibly stupid decisions in my life, but I did not deserve abuse and sexual assault, death threats and years of my life looking over my shoulder, scanning crowds, making sure I knew where the closet exit in any building I was in, just in case. The abuse will not stop unless you find a way to escape, get authorities involved and do everything you can to stay alive. Christy Mack was much better than this cage fighting idiot who had a history of beating her and other women. You do not deserve to be hurt. No one does. Get out and get help. A better life exists for you- I’m proof of that. If you need contacts for shelters and domestic violence organizations in your area contact me or The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. I hope you get well soon, Christy Mack, and I hope that karma kicks “War Machine” right in the ass, repeatedly. christymackabused

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2 comments on “Too Many Stories of Domestic Abuse- Mine, Christy Mack’s and So Many Unreported Others

  1. You’re the strongest person I know, Rue.

  2. Thank you sweetheart. It’s been a long and bumpy ride, hasn’t it?

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